Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth is now strictly enforcing a “No Beardos” policy in the U.S. military. Not since Frank Beard—the ironically clean-shaven drummer of ZZ Top—has someone been so publicly terrified of his OWN 5 o’clock shadow.
Hegseth even summarized his new, streamlined vision for the armed forces with a zero-chills checklist: “No Fatties, No Trannies, No Beardos, No Weirdos, No Wimps, No Radicals…. Just Warriors.”
Jesus Humdinger Christ… That reads less like a Pentagon press briefing and more like a review of his Labor Day Grindr conquests. Which, honestly, makes the blatant homophobia a bit “mind-bottling”. Especially coming from a self-assigned “Alpha” who gets on his knees every time he sees a man hung like this: ——->>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 🫲 😎 🫱.
…And just as the war in Iran was entering the “I know you are, but what am I” stage of “peace” through “strength”. Not since Abraham Lincoln created the Secret Service on the day he was assassinated has a leader’s self-serving training efforts been so poorly timed….. But hey, at least the method actor Lincoln hired for the “pop” quiz completely blew him away.
