Tag: The Daily Beast

Meet Scrooge McDuck’s Less Successful Cousin: President Donald J. Lame Duck…

I assume when Trump voters first heard “Golden Age of America,” they thought prosperity, not turning the People’s House into a golden shower dojo for Liberace fans… https://www.thedailybeast.com/jaw-dropping-details-of-trumps-midterm-outbursts-revealed I mean, sure, some of Donald Trump’s decor choices have been “unifying.” Or, as the kids call wanting a Nobel Peace Prize every time the Supreme Court […]

Read More Meet Scrooge McDuck’s Less Successful Cousin: President Donald J. Lame Duck…

So It Turns Out Sir MAGA-Lot Likes Big Butts, And He Cannot NOT Lie…

Donald Trump canceled his remaining rallies this week. He’s reportedly furious that no one understood the brilliant correlation between having a firm grasp on inflation and playing grab-ass with a middle-aged rapper’s faux dumper. https://www.thedailybeast.com/trump-makes-major-campaign-change-after-humiliating-protests It’s a shame too, because if anyone needs a lesson in sudden deflation, it’s a Trump supporter. After all, Truth […]

Read More So It Turns Out Sir MAGA-Lot Likes Big Butts, And He Cannot NOT Lie…

The Only Thing Missing From The Cheesecake Factory Menu Is A Dan Sullivan…

Barack Obama joked that the Trump White House looks like “Saddam Hussein opened a Cheesecake Factory.” Ironically, Donald Trump didn’t mind being compared to a ruthless dictator—but spent three full days defending the rights of the overpriced casual-dining industry. https://www.thedailybeast.com/trumps-secret-stake-in-cheesecake-factory-revealed If only he protected the Strait of Hormuz with the passion he defends corporate interests. […]

Read More The Only Thing Missing From The Cheesecake Factory Menu Is A Dan Sullivan…

GOPiece of Sh!t: From Begging For Gas $ To Pistol Pete’s #Squad Goals…

Pete Hegseth plans to live-stream a military execution using a firing squad. When asked why he wouldn’t just use lethal injection, Hegseth replied, ‘Well, duh, that’s disgusting. Audiences are deathly afraid of needles.’ The Daily Beast Article Quoted – https://www.yahoo.com/news/politics/articles/political-enemies-unite-slam-ghoulish-155416101.html But Hegseth isn’t the only one treating the government like an OnlyFans burner account. Across […]

Read More GOPiece of Sh!t: From Begging For Gas $ To Pistol Pete’s #Squad Goals…

Pete Hegseth Wants His ‘No Fatties, Just Warriors’ Ethos … And To Eat ‘It’ Too!

Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth is now strictly enforcing a “No Beardos” policy in the U.S. military. Not since Frank Beard—the ironically clean-shaven drummer of ZZ Top—has someone been so publicly terrified of his OWN 5 o’clock shadow. Hegseth even summarized his new, streamlined vision for the armed forces with a zero-chills checklist: “No Fatties, No […]

Read More Pete Hegseth Wants His ‘No Fatties, Just Warriors’ Ethos … And To Eat ‘It’ Too!

ICE-IS Terrorism: Midterm Edition!!!

Another day, another ICE-involved shooting. Only this time, the victim of ICE-IS Terrorism was an unarmed Austin DoorDasher shot in the back. Sadly, this tragedy hits a little too close to home since some of my closest friends are DoorDash Customers… who get irrationally hangry when their food is on time… LET ALONE splattered in […]

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Mitch McConnell Gives Thumbs Up… As Republicans Announce All No Votes Will Require His Emotional Support Rock!!!

Since his disappearance, I’ve been telling everyone Mitch McConnell is dead. But after the nearly 167-year-old Senator returned to the hallways of Congress yesterday, I must admit I was wrong this entire time…ghosts really do exist!! I mean, sure, he didn’t look great… and most likely required a mortician, not some over-defiant stylist who dared, […]

Read More Mitch McConnell Gives Thumbs Up… As Republicans Announce All No Votes Will Require His Emotional Support Rock!!!