Previously on The Anti-Social Media…. Based on a True Story… I was recently reflecting on my run-in with MAGA Mike Minogue, and hitting a wannabe governor with a door (allegedly) dredged up some repressed feelings and memories. Specifically, it reminded me how much I fucking HATE being late. I’m talking: the kind of rage Stephen […]
Read More Ride or Die: How A Chance Run-In Became A Democrat’s Awkward Origin Story…Donald Trump canceled his remaining rallies this week. He’s reportedly furious that no one understood the brilliant correlation between having a firm grasp on inflation and playing grab-ass with a middle-aged rapper’s faux dumper. https://www.thedailybeast.com/trump-makes-major-campaign-change-after-humiliating-protests It’s a shame too, because if anyone needs a lesson in sudden deflation, it’s a Trump supporter. After all, Truth […]
Read More So It Turns Out Sir MAGA-Lot Likes Big Butts, And He Cannot NOT Lie…Barack Obama joked that the Trump White House looks like “Saddam Hussein opened a Cheesecake Factory.” Ironically, Donald Trump didn’t mind being compared to a ruthless dictator—but spent three full days defending the rights of the overpriced casual-dining industry. https://www.thedailybeast.com/trumps-secret-stake-in-cheesecake-factory-revealed If only he protected the Strait of Hormuz with the passion he defends corporate interests. […]
Read More The Only Thing Missing From The Cheesecake Factory Menu Is A Dan Sullivan…Donald Trump claimed that Amy Acton’s mother ‘looks like a smart woman’ for choosing to stand by her pedophile husband. Or, as Melania Trump calls it: ‘Aren’t zose my vedding vows?’ Then again, Trump’s own mother called him ‘wonderful’ after mistaking him for the man in the mirror. So if anyone knows what ‘dumb’ looks […]
Read More Sir MAGA-Lot: ‘I Like Big Butts And I Cannot Lie…’Based On A True Story… So today I did something I am certainly not proud of. I was picking up food at the Iron Town Diner in Saugus, Massachusetts. (Picture an IHOP that believes hiring a minority waitress is in bad taste.) As I pulled into the parking lot, I noticed a rather large gathering […]
Read More Why You Should Never Hit A Republican Gubernatorial Candidate With A Door…JD Vance is telling people to ‘stop whining’ about Vivek Ramaswamy’s horrific campaign ad. Apparently, the party of border security is now all-in on the boundary-crossing minority who fucks white women. What’s next for Vice MAGA Theresa? Raising awareness for hate crimes against Springfield Haitians by holding an all-you-can-eat puppy potluck? If only hypocrisy were […]
Read More The Guardians of Pedophilia Strike Again…Ukraine unleashed a drone attack on Russian data centers that wiped out millions of internet bots and the Truth Social comment section… And instead of praising democracy’s war on disinformation, Donald Trump rebranded the extermination of his faux-fascist fans as ‘The Trump Holocaust,’ while feeling catfished by his imaginary friends, made Emo Musk take his […]
Read More Musk Avenges Bot Deaths…The desperation out there is getting loud and explosive like the encore performance of a tainted Chipotle lettuce bowl. So much so that Donald Trump claimed he wouldn’t even care if Iran nuked California off the map… in what the Japanese call the least productive way to lower gas prices. Meanwhile, down-ballot candidates are scrambling. […]
Read More The GOP’s Midterm Strategy: Panicked Polls And Tainted Bowls…Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth is now strictly enforcing a “No Beardos” policy in the U.S. military. Not since Frank Beard—the ironically clean-shaven drummer of ZZ Top—has someone been so publicly terrified of his OWN 5 o’clock shadow. Hegseth even summarized his new, streamlined vision for the armed forces with a zero-chills checklist: “No Fatties, No […]
Read More Pete Hegseth Wants His ‘No Fatties, Just Warriors’ Ethos … And To Eat ‘It’ Too!In high school, I was the starting point guard on the basketball team, a position I hadn’t played before freshman year. Growing up, I was always tall for my age and played such relentless defense that I could pick a kangaroo’s pocket, so my natural position was center and power forward. However, when I hit […]
Read More Senator Schmidt-Show’s Own Goal!!!
