JD Vance is telling people to ‘stop whining’ about Vivek Ramaswamy’s horrific campaign ad. Apparently, the party of border security is now all-in on the boundary-crossing minority who fucks white women. What’s next for Vice MAGA Theresa? Raising awareness for hate crimes against Springfield Haitians by holding an all-you-can-eat puppy potluck? If only hypocrisy were […]
Read More The Guardians of Pedophilia Strike Again…The desperation out there is getting loud and explosive like the encore performance of a tainted Chipotle lettuce bowl. So much so that Donald Trump claimed he wouldn’t even care if Iran nuked California off the map… in what the Japanese call the least productive way to lower gas prices. Meanwhile, down-ballot candidates are scrambling. […]
Read More The GOP’s Midterm Strategy: Panicked Polls And Tainted Bowls…Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth is now strictly enforcing a “No Beardos” policy in the U.S. military. Not since Frank Beard—the ironically clean-shaven drummer of ZZ Top—has someone been so publicly terrified of his OWN 5 o’clock shadow. Hegseth even summarized his new, streamlined vision for the armed forces with a zero-chills checklist: “No Fatties, No […]
Read More Pete Hegseth Wants His ‘No Fatties, Just Warriors’ Ethos … And To Eat ‘It’ Too!In high school, I was the starting point guard on the basketball team, a position I hadn’t played before freshman year. Growing up, I was always tall for my age and played such relentless defense that I could pick a kangaroo’s pocket, so my natural position was center and power forward. However, when I hit […]
Read More Senator Schmidt-Show’s Own Goal!!!Another day, another ICE-involved shooting. Only this time, the victim of ICE-IS Terrorism was an unarmed Austin DoorDasher shot in the back. Sadly, this tragedy hits a little too close to home since some of my closest friends are DoorDash Customers… who get irrationally hangry when their food is on time… LET ALONE splattered in […]
Read More ICE-IS Terrorism: Midterm Edition!!!Unless you’ve been living under a rock, or consuming only the “Most Fair and Balanced” propaganda Cable News has to offer, you’ve likely heard reports that Grindr’s servers have crashed yet again. Causing social media to collectively lose its shit about the gay hookup app not being capable of handling all the traffic coming from […]
Read More Social Media’s New Favorite Pastime: “Will MAGA Out-Gay Grindr… Again?!?”In the words of the great 20th century philosopher Dr. Dre, “And when it all boils down, you gonna find in the end. A bitch is a bitch, but a Dogg is a man’s best friend. So what? You found you a ho that you like? But you can’t make a ho a housewife.” Or […]
Read More Exposing America’s First Lady Of The Night!!!Another day, another abrupt desertion from the rapidly sinking Trumptanic. After the Director of National Counterterrorism, Joe Kent, bailed on his Conman-in-Chief, Donald Trump. Posting to X that he will be leaving his position, effective immediately. Which is about as courageous as emailing your resignation letter to Elon Musk, so HE can secretly drop it […]
Read More Former Director Of National Counterterrorism Somehow Refrains From Turning Resignation Tweet Anti-Semitic!!!The New York Times is reporting that Donald Trump has pocketed more than $ 1.4 billion since moving back into a Melania-less White House. No doubt the single-largest underestimation of Trump’s net since President Fatty McGee took full-Earth credit for his 224lb moon weight. I mean, Trump is built ike an Iceburg, so we can […]
Read More Guess Who Earned $1.4+ Billion This Year?!?If Republicans were genuinely scared of illegal migrants spreading across the country faster than measles at a Fort Worth Chuck E Cheese, then why were Governors Greg Abbott, Ron DeSantis, and the rest of the Injustice League shipping immigrants off to Blue States like they were a national guard troop in search of common sense? […]
Read More The Insurrection Act: MAGA’s Final Solution!!!
