Let me start by saying, for as much as I love to throw punches, I refuse to punch down. Which, I believe, is the single biggest difference between the two parties. While Democrats are taking on corporate greed and ensuring Billionaires pay their fair share, Republicans are busy speed-bagging the poor, minorities, and the handful of trans kids who would rather play sports than learn why the ghost of Lindsey Graham haunts their closet at night. So, although Ken Paxton is the corrupt Attorney General of Texas, if you take a closer look, you’ll realize: “Oh, he’s not dressed up as ‘Bestiality’s Biggest Regret’ for Halloween?” I mean, sure, he has a face only a Blob Fish could tolerate. So it’s with a heavy heart that I admit that, yes, it would be considered punching down if I ever made fun of a man whose good eye is so lazy… that he nearly indicted it for welfare fraud. Especially considering his opponent, Democrat James Talarico, looks more like the face the Holy Trinity would make for its Tinder Profile. But with all that being said, this isn’t a beauty pageant; it’s an election. Although if you line up their records, Paxton has a far better shot at winning America’s Next Top Model than he does America’s Next Shitty Senator. However, elections in Texas are normally won along more ideological lines, like: “Does the candidate have too many black friends or drive a hybrid, openly?” And that alone is why this fight is even remotely close. I understand everything’s bigger in Texas, but that shouldn’t mean a fugly AG gets a Get-Out-of-Jail-Free card for graduating from common Bic Burglar to felonious Penophile. There are plenty of reasons Ken Paxton is the face of government corruption, and none of them involve classic good looks, functional facial muscles, or the existence of a good side. But still… you’ll never hear me stoop to his level, even if it looks like he once double-dared a chin surgeon to give him the “Horny Camel-Toe.”
The Daily Beast Article Quoted – https://www.thedailybeast.com/obsessed/james-talarico-reveals-deranged-trump-insult-has-brilliantly-backfired
What It Looks Like On The Commercial vs When You Finally Try It On…
When Life Hands You Lemons You Make Enough God Damn Lemonade To Finance The Campaign…
The Talarico For Senate Store https://store.jamestalarico.com
In Today’s Palate Cleanser, we learn that South Park continues to do God’s work, since she’s clearly moved on to better things. They’ve apparently renamed the show South America, in a brilliant attempt to bridge the gap between civil disobedience, corporate capitulation, and comedy gold.
