Meet Scrooge McDuck’s Less Successful Cousin: President Donald J. Lame Duck…

I assume when Trump voters first heard “Golden Age of America,” they thought prosperity, not turning the People’s House into a golden shower dojo for Liberace fans… https://www.thedailybeast.com/jaw-dropping-details-of-trumps-midterm-outbursts-revealed I mean, sure, some of Donald Trump’s decor choices have been “unifying.” Or, as the kids call wanting a Nobel Peace Prize every time the Supreme Court […]

Sir MAGA-Lot: ‘I Like Big Butts And I Cannot Lie…’

Donald Trump claimed that Amy Acton’s mother ‘looks like a smart woman’ for choosing to stand by her pedophile husband. Or, as Melania Trump calls it: ‘Aren’t zose my vedding vows?’ Then again, Trump’s own mother called him ‘wonderful’ after mistaking him for the man in the mirror. So if anyone knows what ‘dumb’ looks […]

Trump Can’t Even Drink Water, Let Alone Walk On It!!!

After a lengthy hiatus, I have finally returned from my Memorial Day break that lasted a few weeks short of a Charlie Sheen afterparty. To be honest, I have wanted to jump back into writing. But felt more like a fat kid overly hesitant to turn double-dutch into a belly-flop slingshot. However, I could no […]

The Trump Phone Reviews Are In….

Finally, a Trump scam that will not only steal millions from hard-working Americans, but will also serve as a teachable moment for even the most moronic of MAGA Marks. I mean, voting for a Conman is stupid, but venmoing Trump a hundo…on an IOU…now that sounds symptomatic of shit-for-brain’s more violent cousin, CTE. The stage […]

Keystone K$SH: When Even Drinking ON The Job, Is ON-Brand!!!

When I originally started calling Kash Patel “Keystone K$SH,” I was referring to his inability to do his job like a Keystone Cop, not his inability to remain alcohol-free like a Keystone Light. However, while most people consider “Drinking on the job” a liability, Kash sees things much differently… And not at all because his […]

Trump, First War Criminal Awarded Participation Peace Prize!!!

Donald Trump recently received FIFA’s first-ever Peace Prize. An award ceremony with all the pomp and circumstance of the Oscars and the prestige of finding a Female Body Inspector (FBI) T-shirt in the Hooters’ dumpster. Because the only international sports organization award Trump is earning on merit is a participation medal from the Special Olympics. […]

That’ll Do Pig… That’ll Do!!!

Most people who start fights and heckle comics at 1 am call themselves an Uber, not a Nobel Peace Prize candidate. However, the only thing Donald Trump likes more than starting a conflict is taking undeserved credit for ending one between two countries he would rather tariff than pronounce. Leave it to Donald Trump to […]

Trump And MTG Square Off In A MAGA Battle Of Wits, Completely Unarmed!!!

I owe an apology to Marjorie Taylor Greene, considering she’s done nearly as much to protect pedophile victims as premature puberty. And yet I’ve been characterizing the Georgia Congresswoman as evil this entire time. When I’m starting to believe she’s just the last politician on Earth to figure out Trump is far more full of […]

Turns Out Negotiating Peace Is A Lot Easier On Truth Social Than In The Middle East!!!

What do Middle East peace and fraud in the 2020 Presidential Election have in common? They’re the only figments of Donald Trump’s imagination that don’t require an XXX-rating or a non-disclosure agreement. Leave it to Trump to think he could somehow solve more than 100 years of infighting the same way he “Made America Great […]

America: F*cking With Bitch-Ass KKKings Since 1776

Welcome to the United States of America, the former land of the free and home of the brave, where, if asked how you spent your Saturday, October 18th, in mixed company, you answer, “On the advice of counsel, I must exercise my 5th Amendment right to pretend you were talking to that nosey MAGA bitch […]

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